Moms, Why Do We Feel Guilty?

Posted on Jul 14 in Family Lifeby TrishPrint

I was recently talking to a group of ladies and most of them were talking about how they feel guilty if they want to go out WITHOUT their kids.  Most of them haven’t had a girl’s night in so long they can’t even remember when the last time was.



My question is, why do we feel so guilty about having some time to ourselves?  We come back refreshed and a better mom/wife/person.  We are more relaxed after, and happier.  What’s that saying?  When momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy?

Another thing I noticed is most of these ladies said that their husbands/significant others tend to go out with the guys a lot.  So why do the guys get to go out, but not the ladies?

Most of the ladies said that their husbands work hard and deserve the break.  Which yes, I agree with, but I also believe that the ladies need a break too!

Work can be hard and tiring, but I remember when I worked outside the home I would come home, and more often than not I would be up for doing something.  I wasn’t really that tired.  I could go hang out with friends and their kids.  I was not  too tired to play with their kids and have fun.  So while the guys are working hard, I bet most of them have plenty of energy to come home and take care of their kids for a little while.

I remember growing up and thinking all I wanted to be was a mom.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but it is hard!  Especially when we only have one car and I have to stay at home all day.  It gets tiring and lonely, and I need a break.  I remember when my husband lost his job for a few weeks last year and he stayed home with us.  One thing I distinctly remember him saying was “It’s a lot harder to stay home and take care of Kaylee than I thought.”  Ah ha!  Finally he sees my point!

I have a girls night out every month, and it is great!  It’s always in the evening, after my daughter is asleep, so really my husband doesn’t have to take care of her, and he gets a night to himself too.

Why is it so hard for us women to feel like we deserve a break?  I think everyone deserves to have a break.  So ladies, stop feeling bad, and go out and have some fun!  You will feel much better and will be able to handle things better.

I think everyone deserves a break now and then, and you need to make it happen.

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12 Comments

• april says:

  October 7, 2009 at 8:22 pm

  This is something I struggle with especially if i ever spend money on myself. Def. need to work on it. I really miss taking care of myself and spending time on me

  Reply
• Dianna says:

  August 5, 2009 at 10:51 am

  I feel guilty if I have a few extra bucks and do not always share with my family who are usually broke and most of them are on disability. I feel the need to give my money to them, to try and help, fix or do whatever to make bad things go away with my family. Why?

  Reply
• baby bows says:

  July 23, 2009 at 10:38 pm

  Great post! Thank you so much for making me realize this.
  I have a one year old baby then my girl friends invited me to a night out but I was hesitant. Feeling guilty to leave my baby. Well after reading this, I called my friends and confirmed. =)

  Reply
• Christy aka The Write Gal says:

  July 17, 2009 at 9:06 am

  Trisha, this is a great post! I agree we all need some time to ourselves. You are so lucky that you have a girl’s night. I wish I had that. Thanks for sharing.

  Reply
• Rosey says:

  July 15, 2009 at 11:46 am

  The idea of going to sleep after the kids are asleep is a good one. I soooooooooooo could use a break…but it’s not happening. My hubby, wonderful as he is, isn’t one to stay and watch the baby while I’m out; period. That’s just the way it is. He comes home from work and he wants to chill, period. We’ve had the discussion many times, especially when I have a big homework assignment due and can’t get it done on time because little man isn’t too keen on mommy getting her Ph.D. (in fact, he could care less, lol, bless his little heart). Count your blessings if one of your husband’s attributes is knowing you need a break, and helping you get the time to get one!

  Reply
• Sarah says:

  July 14, 2009 at 6:31 pm

  This is SO true, Trisha! My husband goes out much more often than I do and like Kim mentioned, it’s not that he discourages me from going. It’s that I feel guilty about leaving the kids. I just started taking cake decorating classes with a friend last week, it’s just a couple of hours, but it’s a good start.

  Reply
• Amanda says:

  July 14, 2009 at 5:26 pm

  I don’t have as much of a problem getting out as finding someone who will go with me. I’m not one to really go out alone unless it’s to run errands, but even that can be bliss. Sometimes I’ll leave the boys at home, go to the grocery store, get a drink, plug into my Zune and shop away. Amazingly, it’s refreshing.

  I’m love to find a babysitter we can leave the boys with so we can go out as a couple more often. This is where I really feel our relationship is lacking lately. Our 2yo is VERY particular on who he will stay with if not one of us.

  Reply
• Kim @ What's That Smell? says:

  July 14, 2009 at 5:23 pm

  This is so true. I feel guilty having my HUSBAND watch our kids. He doesn’t make me feel that way, I just self-impose it upon myself.

  Reply
  • admin says:

    July 14, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    That’s exactly it Kim! It’s not like anyone is making us feel guilty, just ourselves. It’s a change in attitude we all need to take. We deserve a break!

    Reply
• Gena says:

  July 14, 2009 at 11:21 am

  Trisha I love this post! I am dealing with the NEED to go out. I moved here and honestly don’t feel that close to a lot of people. I have tried to explain to DH that I need a break. The way I see it is this: He doesn’t do the same thing day to day. My days are so routine that I am going insane! I’m pulling my hair out. I am with the kids 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I love them to pieces but I need some me time. It is frustrating to see the grandparents taking everyone else’s kids so they can’t take ours. I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t need a break. He doesn’t go out all the time but he has gone out on occasion. Thanks for the post!

  Reply

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

• Mommy Guilt « The Write Gal says:

  July 17, 2009 at 9:45 am

  [...] This week my friend Trisha from Sweet ‘N Sassy Girls wrote a fantastic post entitled, “Moms, Why Do We Feel Guilty.”  She talked very eloquently about how Moms feel guilty when they want to take some time [...]

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• It’s not over ’till the fat lady sings! says:

  July 15, 2009 at 11:10 am

  [...] And something else you should read. Trisha at Sweet n Sassy Girls wrote, “Why is it so hard for us women to feel like we deserve a break?  I think everyone deserves to have a break.  So ladies, stop feeling bad, and go out and have some fun!  You will feel much better and will be able to handle things better.” – full article Moms, Why Do we Feel Guilty? [...]

  Reply